ever heard of the "5 to one" rule... i thought i will share it with you... it means that u are allowed to say one negative thing about your partner, before u say one negative thing about them...
Learn to fight fair.
Just in case you didn't know, fighting is a part of any good marriage! I mention this because there are some people who live with the naïve notion that in "good marriages" couples never fight. The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight.
If you fight unfairly, then you destroy trust. If you fight fairly, you build trust. Here are a few important pointers to make sure that when you fight, you fight fair:
1. Never resort to name calling or putdowns.
2. Keep to the issue at hand. Never bring up old stuff that may be unresolved. The present fight is not a license to dump all your old garbage.
3. Never use phrases that are absolutes such as, "you never" or "you always."
4. Never bring the other person's family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse's.
5. Agree beforehand on a method how to take a time out if one of you feels that the fight is getting out of hand.
6. Don't start a fight later in the night, when you're both tired and therefore more likely to have less control over your emotions.
7. And again, do your best to use "I-statements" rather than "you-statements," which feel like attacks.
Five to one rule and fighting fair..
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her
eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was
thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and
shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her
anymore. I just pitied her! The woman who had spent ten years of her
life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and
energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned
over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I
had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly
expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could
smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by.
Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever?
She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even
notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever
negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment
conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
(taken from http://www.scribd.com/doc/36642164/Marriage)
Its not my job
This's a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody have done.
This is so true for all of our offices, specially where we work.
Our patchwork quilt
There are so many things that we as human beings crave, there are that many wishes we want to be fulfilled but there is one above all else that we desire. To have someone who is our very own. Someone who will reflect our thoughts be there through thick and thin. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to meet someone who reflected your own thoughts, hopes, wishes, dreams and desires?
All our lives on this planet is like crazy patch work quilts which comprised of many different shapes, sizes, colors and hues of experiences. Some are a bit threadbare than the others. Some have a bit more variety and some have a bit more color. But all the same all our lives are based on the same thing. Out innate desire to fulfill the needs of our loved ones and the desire to have ours fulfilled by them. In fact, more often than not, our lives were lived primarily fulfilling the wants and needs of others. While important life lessons were learned from this, by the same token some emotional damage is done and we never truly understand the beauty of finding happiness for ourselves. Sometimes its important to give to the world and others, but sometimes its just as important to give to ourselves too..
You get what you give
Sometimes it’s a bit difficult to believe, but here is how the story goes, what you give to the world is what you get from it. That’s how it had been for centuries and that’s how it’s going to be forever more and this following Japanese folktale author had got it just right..
"Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."
In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."
All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet is the what they see reflected in our faces, our body language and our attitudes. If they see kindness they would most probably return the kindness. If however, all they see is contempt, than the same will be returned back to us two fold. (ofcos there are exceptions to this rule but generally this is the pattern that is followed)
(Story taken from : House of 1000 Mirrors, The by: Author Unknown, Japanese folktale)
